Today Lora Thorley, who heads up a ministry for single Christians called ‘Honoured’, shares some of her own story with us. She also shares her wisdom, born out of real and personally-lived experiences, that can help anyone who is single and just wants honest and tangible advice. So here is part 1, in her own words:
I’m going to make a bold statement here.
I wonder if you’ll agree with me.
Being single sucks.
It doesn’t matter how many married people say to me ‘Oh I’d love to be single sometimes – being married is sooooo hard.’
It doesn’t matter how many empowering Instagram posts I read about how we need to be happy with our single life before we meet someone else.
It doesn’t matter how much I love starfishing in bed and choosing what TV to watch without debate.
I still hate being single.
But God Doesn’t Press Pause
As I run Honoured, a network for single Christians, I meet a lot of single people every week, and to be completely honest, I rarely meet anyone who is totally happy with being single.
Although I know first-hand how tough relationships can be, being part of a couple has always felt more natural to me.
God will bless and use you whatever your circumstances
But the more I walk through different seasons with God, the more I learn that there is joy to be had in any situation. God will bless and use you whatever your circumstances or relationship status and he doesn’t press pause on our lives just because we’re not totally satisfied with our situation.
He still wants us to keep growing and keep faithful.
So with these thoughts in mind, here are the first two of my 5 no-nonsense tips for surviving and thriving in your singleness.
#1. Don’t Feel Guilty About Finding It Hard
The worst thing about being single is the pressure to feel ok about being single. For some reason, us Christians equate it with holiness – like the more satisfied you are with your single life the closer you are to God.
Personally, I think this is utter nonsense and sets us up for a season of guilt and struggle. It’s natural to feel lonely, and while we know that God is enough for us, we also know that God made us for human companionship, he put within us the capacity for romance and the desire for sexual intimacy.
None of those things are wrong.
So let’s invite God into the times when we find it really hard. Let’s give ourselves some grace and acknowledge that it can be really difficult to be single sometimes. Let’s give ourselves permission to be sad or lonely and lean on God in those moments. (Read The Worst Advice You Can Hear About Rejection)
#2 Don’t Wait Around Doing Nothing
I’ve just met too many people lately who’ve said they’re being patient and waiting for God to send them the right person.
I have no doubt that God sometimes does send someone along in this way or that he could if he wanted to. But we never have this attitude to anything else in life, so why do we have it with dating?
We don’t wait around for God to send us a new job without filling in any applications.
Be proactive and push a few doors in the way you would with other areas of life
If you want to meet someone then you need to make some moves. Join an internet dating site or app. At Honoured we independently review these and give advice on online dating. Ask a friend to set you up with someone.
Go to an event for single Christians (Honoured also run some brilliant events)
Be proactive and push a few doors in the way you would with other areas of life.
And pray – not just for the right person to come along. Pray about the process, pray about each date, pray that you might be a blessing to whoever you meet and pray for God’s discernment and guidance.
Because you might be surprised by someone you never thought you’d be interested in dating!
In Part 2 I continue to share my next three tips.
For now, I want you to imagine how much we could help ourselves and each other, if we embraced these tips, and allowed each other to be more honest and active in this area of our lives. (Read What The Bible Actually Says About Singleness)
What other tips would you add? Comments welcomed below
Lora is a writer and a teacher living in Nottingham. In 2017 she launched Honoured, a ministry for single Christians based in Nottingham, Manchester and London. She writes blogs for Honoured as well as various other websites and organisations. She’s passionate about empowering single Christians and encouraging others to step into whatever adventure God calls them to, regardless of their relationship status.