In part 1 Lora Thorley, who heads up a ministry for single Christians called ‘Honoured’, shared two of her top tips for singleness. In part 2 she continues to share her valuable insights in a down to earth and honest way. So here it is, in her own words:
As I said in part 1 – being single can suck. But I know that God blesses us in all situations, and will not press pause on our lives just because we’re not coupled up.
So I’m going to keep sharing my 5 no-nonsense tips, so that this truth can become more of a reality in our lives.
#3 Look After Yourself
In my experience self-care and self-love are the keys to a happy single life. It helps remind us that we are valued and precious.
Often in a relationship, another person will make you feel this way by the little things they do to treat you and look after you. If you’re single you might have a great support network around you but you will also need to do things to look after yourself.
For example, every night I make myself an amazing dinner – even if it’s just me eating. If I just cooked beans on toast for myself every night I think it would reinforce the lie that just because I’m alone I’m not worth bothering about.
Instead, I treat myself like the Queen that I am and it helps build self-love and self-esteem – both of which are needed to love others.
Don’t see it as self-indulgent to treat yourself with love
This will look different for different people. It might be treating yourself to a gym membership or organising yourself a birthday party or sending yourself on holiday.
Whatever it looks like, don’t see it as self-indulgent to treat yourself with love – otherwise you’ll just be waiting for someone else to come along and fulfil that role, and who knows how long that could take!
#4 Build A Robust Relationship With Hope
I wonder if you, like me, swing between optimism and cynicism when it comes to your romantic future.
Some days I’m feeling like the right person is just around the corner and I can swim in the warm waters of anticipation and excitement. On other days, and I particularly find this after talking to other single Christians in the same boat, I despair of ever meeting anyone.
However – our hope is in the Lord.
Keep reminding yourself that we don’t hope in vain
So let’s keep looking at the bigger picture. We know there is joy and love in our future because of Jesus. That’s not some kind of abstract religious idea – it’s real joy and real love. We can put our hope in the fact that Jesus has adventures ahead for us.
So keep filling your life with scripture that reminds you of this. Fill your life with people who speak God’s truth over you.
Keep reminding yourself that we don’t hope in vain and although our earthly lives may not run exactly as we expect – God has a plan and a hopeful future in mind for us. (Read Quick Guide: When Saying ‘Being Content With Singleness’ Is & Isn’t Okay)
#5 Slay, Slay Every Day!
Something about being single can make us feel like we’re constantly on the back foot.
You might struggle with loneliness or sadness at times.
You might not have the emotional support which can come from a loving relationship.
You might start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you if you’re still single.
Often the church can seem like it’s made for families and if you’re not part of a couple or family you might feel a bit disconnected.
All this can leave you feeling a bit vulnerable or a bit of a victim at times.
The power of Christ lives in them as much as married people
But part of running Honoured is reminding people that they are not second class citizens in the church. And the power of Christ lives in them as much as married people.
For that reason, we have no excuse not to go for it in life. Step up, step out and take a risk. Whether that is taking on some new challenge or new area of responsibility in your church, going for it in your career, tackling a new project; we’ve got to live with passion and confidence. (Read 5 Cliches Said To Singles, Have You Heard Them All?)
I could go on and on talking about this subject, but this is just a flavour of what the Honoured movement stands for and what we promote. Imagine if we remembered we were made to thrive, no matter what our relationship status is.
Whether you’re celibate, dating or wish you were dating – there’s a beautiful, exciting, fulfilling life for you to live so there’s no need to press pause – go for it. (Read 4 Trends that characterises singleness in our 20s, 30s and 40s)
Which tip do you think is the hardest/easiest to follow? Comments welcomed below
Lora is a writer and a teacher living in Nottingham. In 2017 she launched Honoured, a ministry for single Christians based in Nottingham, Manchester and London. She writes blogs for Honoured as well as various other websites and organisations. She’s passionate about empowering single Christians and encouraging others to step into whatever adventure God calls them to, regardless of their relationship status.