Lots of people ask me about finding ‘the One’. They want to take romantic relationships and marriage seriously, and they want God to be involved in the process. So they want him to show them ‘the One’ so they get it right. Well, someone I know got a very surprising answer after praying this prayer.
I remember growing up with the idea of finding ‘the One’. Finding that one perfect person. Thinking she would sort me out and help me overcome all my problems.
But as I grew up, I realised life wasn’t that simple.
No-one is perfect, just like I wasn’t perfect
No-one is perfect, just like I wasn’t perfect. No one could come in and ‘sort me out’. I had to be honest, and real, and work through my issues and work to make better relationship choices. I got help and support of course but someone else couldn’t do this hard work for me.
But many people still do and still want to believe in ‘the One’.
I Don’t Believe In ‘The One’
I have written many times about why I don’t believe in finding ‘the One’. (Read The One’ Myth Robs Us Of A Great Relationship and Why I Chose To Reject Finding ‘The One’).
But I still meet people who like the comfort this idea brings, or think this is the way to make their relationship God-centered.
I was talking to someone the other day who shared this story with me. I want to share what he said with you, to the best of my memory, because he learned such a vital truth about God and relationships.
Story From The Dating Scene
‘I became a Christian in my mid-twenties. I had had lots of relationships, many were messed up. I had one night stands and never really have a good or steady relationship.
‘When I became a Christian, I was single for nearly ten years afterwards. I didn’t have any romantic relationships and didn’t really pursue any or come close to one, with one or two exceptions.
‘Then I got to know a woman in my church. She was godly, she was servant-hearted, and really passionate about God. But she wasn’t ‘my type’. She wasn’t the person I would usually go for, but I was attracted to her.
I Prayed, and God (Sort of) Answered
‘So I went away and prayed about it. I wanted to get the relationship right, I didn’t want to get hurt or hurt her, so I said: “God, is she the One?”.
No Answer. So I prayed again “God, is she the One?”. And nothing happened again, so I prayed again.
‘Then He said “Well, is she your one? Are you going to pick her?
If you pick her, you can’t blame me
‘When I felt like God was saying this to me, I got confused. I thought surely he would bring me the One, why is he asking me this. Then I felt like he said: ‘If you pick her, you can’t blame me when it gets hard!
I Get It Now
‘I think that God, in his unique way, was teaching me something. He was telling me that relationships take work. I need to make a decision to commit and keep deciding to commit.
‘God won’t click his fingers and make me the perfect person for her or vice versa.
15 years later, we are married, flawed, but happy
‘I started to think about what I, and we, needed to do to make the relationship work and if we were suited, rather than waiting for God to just do all of the work for me.
’15 years later, we are married, flawed, but happy, and pushing each other closer to Jesus’. (Read Marriage Isn’t Really About ‘Us’)
I really value this story because I think it’s empowering. Obviously, God is with us, and challenges and transforms us, but we are involved in the change. We make decisions along the way and must choose to be more God-centred in our thinking and actions.
Imagine if we remembered that we need to make the relationship work. We need to choose compromise, learn to work through issues, enjoy the highs, and ‘make the one’ rather than just ‘find the one’. (Read Warning: A Relationship Should Change Us, But Can’t Cure Us)
Why do you think about ‘Making the One’? Comments welcomed below.
Originally posted 19/3/2018