My wife and I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day. We think that being forced to be romantic or affectionate on a specific day seems to miss the point for us. But some of my friends like having a day to remind them to make time, and find it helpful. Our discussions ultimately reminded me that really, it’s about making time for the small constant connections.
I was speaking to a friend who has a very different view to me when it comes to Valentine’s Day. She is all for it and thinks it’s a good thing, and couldn’t believe that my wife and I purposely avoid it.
Yes To Valentine’s Day
She said that her and her husband celebrate it because the busyness of life, and their natural tendencies, means that they aren’t very romantic. They don’t make romantic gestures often.
She said it helps them because it reminds them to make time
She said that they find it hard to make time to connect in that way a lot of the time. They just forget and/or prioritise other things. So actually, having a day, a mark on the calendar, means that they go out of their way to do something or buy a gift.
She said it helps them because it reminds them to make time and invest in the relationship, and make it feel fun.
It’s Not About One Day
I do understand what she’s saying, but for my wife and I, we think that we should be trying to make time throughout the year. We should be doing it anyway, and not on a day when we feel like we have to because there’s a sign up in the card shop.
You can feel the need to spend money
My wife is also very aware that our single friends can feel very lonely on Valentine’s Day. That’s not to be patronising, I felt that way when I was single on Valentine’s Day too. It can be another day that makes people feel like they’re missing out because they’re single.
Another friend said that she thinks Valentine’s Day is very in your face, and you can feel the need to spend money. It’s a bit like Christmas, the meaning of it has been hijacked by the pressure to spend loads and make it commercial.
Maybe My Friend Has A Point?
I can’t see myself celebrating Valentine’s Day this week, or any other year. But looking back, I have probably let the romance slip recently.
Like my first friend said, in the busyness of life, having a reminder to connect and make time for your relationship is important.
People in romantic relationships need to make that time to connect. We can easily think that our partner will be there tomorrow, so we will connect or do something romantic then. After all, there is work that needs doing right now, or the other many distractions mean that we just keep pushing time for the relationship back.
Before we know it, it’s been weeks or months and the time to connect has got lost. (Read Should I Be The Source Of All Their Romance?)
Need A Reminder
After thinking more about our discussion it made me realise that it’s really about making sure we’re feeding that connection.
I know someone who used to travel around a lot doing various talks at churches. He used to always go in to a local shop and buy his wife something, and phone her as soon as he finished on stage so she would feel and be part of his day. He remembered to make time to connect.
If we’re not investing in the relationship, it will be getting weaker
If we’re not investing in the relationship, it will be getting weaker. Intimacy needs time and effort, it doesn’t just happen or get maintained automatically. So whether it’s Valentine’s Day or something else that reminds us to make a connection, we need to make time to connect. (Read Unhealthy Relationship Expectations We Should All Know )
Imagine if, in the busyness of life, we made sure we made time to connect. We reminded ourselves to invest continuously and constantly. Relationships are made stronger in the small acts, the small sacrifices, the attention given to the small things.
What could you do to make sure you make time for those small constant connections? Whether it’s being reminded through special occasions, setting aside the same evening every week for a date night, or setting a reminder which prompts you to do something later to build a connection.
What helps you to stop and invest in your romantic relationship? Comments welcomed below.